Parent Forum – Questions & Answers

Hey Terra,

The relationship I've been in for the past year is now over and I need to know how to make this pain go away. I guess it's my fault because I knew he was married, though we were good friends years ago before he was married. When we reconnected he had been separated from his wife for 2 years. I guess I was hoping, believing that he'd left her for good. But eventually I found out that he was still sleeping with her. Now he says he's going back to her and that I should go on with my life. I am a single parent of a 3 year old. I have nothing. I helped him with rent, car payments, groceries, clothes, and I'm drained. He hasn't paid any of the loans back.

I feel so used. Would you offer any help to mend my heart, build my self esteem, help me to forget? I cry everyday and my son tries to ease my pain by hugging me and telling me it will be better. I hate that he sees me this way. I have to leave home when others are here just to cry because no one knows. Please help me in whatever way you can.

Dominique

Dear Dominique,

I'm very sorry that you're suffering like this. Acknowledging that you knew this relationship had problems going into it is a good first step in your healing process. At least you are aware of your responsibility in your current troubles. Of course, that doesn't totally erase the pain you're feeling. And you need to deal with that in a more direct and helpful way than just crying.

It's time to seek out some professional help in the form of a counselor or a therapist. With a counselor's help you'll be able to understand what led you to the series of choices you made. This will help you learn from your mistakes and regain your self-respect. You deserve a partner who has the integrity of character to know that cheating is not an option (and don't kid yourself... Someone who is cheating on his wife with you is still cheating. It's not surprising to find out that he then cheated on you with his wife, is it?)

You also need to get help so that you can be there 100% for your son. It's not his job to comfort you. That's all wrong! A 3 year old needs to know that his mom is strong and will protect HIM. He cannot grow into a healthy child and young man if he is protecting YOU.

Hopefully a counselor can help you sort out your feelings and regain your understanding of what you want and need and where you can make changes to better your life. The best gift you can give to your son is a healthy, happy, strong mom to watch over him and be the rock in his universe.

Good luck.

In friendship,

Annie

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