Parents:
“How protective is too protective?”
Hey Terra,
My neighbor's 4 year old little girl constantly asks if she can hold my 9 month old son. I always nicely say no which she then responds that our other neighbor, with a son the same age as mine, lets her hold her baby. I'm not comfortable with a child holding an infant so how can I respond to this little girl without hurting her feelings?Careful-Lee
Dear Careful-Lee,
This little girl loves babies! When she sees one she has deep feelings of love and nurturance that she's eager to express. Those are good things and should be encouraged. However, if you're not comfortable with this 4 year old holding your son, then of course, that's where you draw the line. I'm wondering, though, does your discomfort with this little girl's request have to do with her age or with a general feeling on your part toward anyone wanting to hold your baby? Of course this is completely your choice and you shouldn't let guilt sway you from what you believe is in the best interest of your son. But I believe you could find a solution (within your comfort zone) so that your little neighbor could express some of her positive feelings. For example, are you willing to let her touch or tickle his toes? Feed him while he's on your lap or in a high chair? Would you be willing for this little girl to have your baby sit on her lap while she sits on a couch and you sit right next to her?
It's not your responsibility to provide learning experiences for your neighbor's daughter, but when you provide safe opportunities for your baby to experience love and caring from others, you provide wonderful learning experiences for him! Socializing your child should be part of what parents do. These 'lessons' go a long way toward making kids comfortable in lots of different kinds of settings and that helps them grow toward independence.
In friendship,
Annie
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