Questions & Answers

Hey Terra,

My best friend has a great bf and treats her well, but I'm extremely jealous and I feel like I can't find anyone now. There are a few guys I'm interested in but they won't give me the time of day. A few things I know are that I'm definitely not ugly, so in other words I'm pretty, smart, funny, easygoing and friendly but, why is it that I can't find a guy that is interested in me?

Givin' Up Hope

Dear Givin' Up Hope,

When I was in high school I was very jealous of my best friend's relationship with her wonderful boyfriend. I was happy for her but I felt sorry for myself that I didn't have what she had. How did I get over it? It took a while, but the thing that really took my mind off of the fact that I didn't have a boyfriend was getting involved in our school play. It gave me a real boost in self-confidence, something I was really missing by not having a boyfriend. But you know something, now that I'm an adult, I realize that the whole "I need to have a boyfriend to feel like I'm a worthwhile person" is such a trap! You obviously have self-confidence. You know that you have many positive qualities. You should also realize then, that the problem isn't YOU. The problem isn't the guys either! In fact, this is just a timing thing. Love happens when it happens and there's not a whole lot you can do to make it happen any sooner.

My advice is this, instead of "giving up hope" you might want to give up the goal and create a new one. Instead of making the goal "I'm going to find a boyfriend" turn it into something you can actually have some control over. Like "I'm going to get an A in Spanish." or "I'm going to do some volunteer work during Xmas vacation." or "I'm going to reconnect with someone I used to be close with." You see, there are all kinds of worthwhile goals that are totally within your control. Focus on those and forget about the boyfriend thing. It will happen when it's supposed to.

In friendship,

Terra

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