Parent Forum – Questions & Answers

Hey Terra,

I'm 14 and my mom treats me like I'm 8! Heck, I'm not even allowed to DATE! (I'm a guy.) I still do, but behind my mom's back. She thinks I shouldn't be out past 10, and should never be awake past 10:30! She always uses that tired excuse "I don't care what other parents let their kid do" and "I care too much about you" and "If every one jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?" I've even been so pissed as to say "If it'll get me away from you." I know this isn't nice, but I was so angry!

My parents don't care about my social status! My mom says "I didn't date 'till I was 16!" But she was a mommy's girl, and browner! My dad doesn't care, and actually encourages me to go out and do stuff, and bike across town, but my mom won't hear of it. My dad said "When I was 13 I had biked across most of my town!" My mom won't let me bike 5 miles!

She seems oblivious to what I want and I SHOULD be doing by my age. I mean, most of my friends are "getting some" and my mom won't even let me go to a movie with a girl!

I've asked her to ease up, but she won't, and she's just as strict on my brother (but he's 10!).

Pissed Off

Dear Pissed Off,

Without knowing your level of maturity and responsibility, it's hard for me to say whether your mom is justified in her strictness. But, from what you've described, it sounds like she is having some trouble accepting that you are getting older and ready for more responsibility and freedom. It's difficult for some parents to let go, especially with their first born.

Since your dad seems to understand better how you are feeling, I suggest you turn to him and see what you can do to get his help in this situation. Have a good talk with him and let him know how you are feeling. You might say something like this: "Dad, I'm feeling really frustrated when mom restricts everything I do. I feel like a little kid when she tells me that my curfew is 10. I feel resentful when she tells me how much sleep she thinks is enough for me. I feel pissed off when she won't let me go to a movie with a girl. I love mom and I don't want to feel angry at her all the time. Can you help me talk to her about this?"

Hopefully your dad will step in and become your ally. The goal is for you to get more freedom (and responsibility) and for your mom to gradually let go and feel safe about your new independence.

I hope this helps!

In friendship,

Annie

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