Parent Forum – Questions & Answers

Hey Terra,

I have a 19 year old daughter, who is in her second year of university. She did her first year abroad, but got into a relationship and got pregnant, failed 2 courses, and attempted suicide. My husband and I brought her back home and enrolled her in a local university. She got depressed about being held back here and tried suicide 4 more times. She's now going to college, but she's so down all the time (she's on antidepressants, and goes to see a therapist) and she talks so rudely to us. She's even tried to run away.

My daughter has always been a star achiever. She is attractive and till now has always been a sweet and loving girl. All of a sudden she is a totally different person, who seems to hate us all the time! I don't know what more to do for her. All I want is my old daughter back. How can I reach her?

Missing My Girl

Dear Missing My Girl,

I'm so sorry that your daughter is in such pain right now. Of course you're worried and upset by her behavior, but clearly she's suffering as well. I'm sure that she isn't any happier with the choices she's making than you are and it's obvious to me that her depression is making her feel like she's spinning out of control.

You say that she's on anti-depressants and that she's seeing a therapist... But clearly, something is still very much off-balance. I'm not a physician but I know that it can be a challenge to find an anti-depressant that works in the right dosage for each individual. Sometimes an anti-depressant that once worked at a certain dosage for a patient no longer works for that individual at any dosage. An effective anti-depressant at the proper dosage in combination with talk therapy with a practitioner whom your daughter trusts can be extremely helpful. That doesn't seem to be happening here and as a parent, you need to find out why.

Does your daughter trust the therapist and open up to him/her in constructive ways? Is the therapist the one who is prescribing the meds or are they coming from a different doctor? My strong suggestion is that you talk with therapist about your concerns for your daughter's ongoing suicidal tendencies and all of her obvious distress. Because she's 19 the therapist may not be able to tell you anything confidential, but surely the therapist can LISTEN to you.

Bottom line... The meds aren't working and you need to find out how your daughter can get the help she really needs.

Please don't wait. Get on the phone with the therapist and whomever is prescribing the anti-depressants and get some answers.

I hope this helps.

In friendship,

Annie

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