Family:
“My son and step daughter may be having a relationship.”
Hey Terra,
I recently remarried, my 15 year old son and I live with my new husband and his 17 year old daughter. I anticipated that there might be some conflict amongst them, but instead, I think they are possibly "hooking up" as kids call it nowadays. They are always together, they cuddle on the couch. They go out to a diner late at night, go to the movies, it seems to me almost as though they are dating. I spoke to the school principal and he reports that they have lunch together every day and lie on each other on the field. Am I being over-protective? What should I do if I am right about what's going on?Concerned Mom
Dear Concerned Mom,
If it looks like they are "going out" then most likely they are. Are you being "over-protective"? Well, I guess I'd have to know what your core objection to the relationship is. Obviously they aren't siblings, so this isn't incest. Are you concerned because your step daughter is 2 years older than your son and may push him into sexual situations before he's ready? Or are you thinking that this relationship is disruptive to the new family you and your husband are trying to build? Or are you concerned about what other family members or friends might say? What is it really?
Have you talked to your husband about your feelings? If not, you should. Find out his feelings about what's going on. Do that before you talk to the kids so that you and your husband are on the same page.
One word of caution... Teens aren't very receptive to arbitrary restrictions. In other words, if you say to them "This has to stop because we're not comfortable with it," be prepared to have them hold your feet to the fire with demands of "Why not?" Any vagueness is going to seem like you really aren't sure why you're suddenly enforcing new rules. If you're truly not sure why you're uncomfortable, then maybe you should figure it out (with your husband's support) and then lay down your rules (if that's what you choose to do).
Make sense?
In friendship,
Annie
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