Annie (AKA Hey Terra!) has been around long enough to have experienced a lot of what Life can dish out. But, it hasn’t been so long that she's forgotten what it's like to be your age. Check out some of the thousands of email questions teens from around the world have sent to Terra. You may learn something useful from her answers:
“My friend just lost her virginity to a total jerk.”
(Continued)
Hey Terra,
Thank you so much for helping me with my friend's problem. Regarding your guess about her dad, I don't think she's extremely close with him, but he lives with her mom and her and I think everything's ok with them. Although their family is very frank about sex and things like that (where as in my house that subject would only come up in a heart to heart convo with my mom) Maybe because her family doesn't act like it's a big deal to talk about she thinks it's not a big deal to do it.Most of our friends have had individual serious talks with her a couple times. We've all had a discussion about how if he really cared about her he wouldn't be doing this. The bad part is that me and her bf used to be friends so we talk a lot and now that I'm completely disgusted with him.
When we girls talk to our friend, she never takes anything seriously. She says things like "he's so sweet" "oh! you guys are so mean!" And when we ask her about how she feels about things (such as if she truly likes her bf or if she truly wants to have sex with him) she laughs and says "I don't know!" It's so completely frustrating!
Like I said I'm sorta friends with her bf so I tried talking to him too. I told him that if he really likes her then he would be more responsible. But he's like the opposite of her. He says "Yeah, I'm such a horrible bf. I feel so guilty... maybe we should break up." He gets super depressed and beats himself up for a couple days then they have unprotected sex again! When I say "I thought you decided you were going to be more responsible!" he says "I know it was so stupid of me. I feel so horrible..."
Ugh! Why won't they listen?
Worried
Dear Worried,
Let me tell you something. Everyone has their own path in life. Sometimes our paths crisscross for a while and we become friends.
You have done what you can to try to get your friend and her bf to be more "responsible." But the truth is, you can't force them to see what they aren't willing to see. They will continue to have unprotected sex until one of them wakes up to the real risks or breaks up with the other. I don't mean to sound callous, but, this isn't your problem. You've done your best. Their path is their path and yours is yours.
You know, even when friends act in ways that we know is wrong, they can still offer us a chance to learn something about ourselves.
In friendship,
Terra
Need some advice? Write to Terra.
She'll give you a straight answer you can trust without any lectures.
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